blazers game

remember how the other day i said i met that sports writer who was gonna give me blazers tickets? well, i should have known that people are never as generous as they seem. at least not without any strings attached.

so. i had the guy's business card so yesterday i called him to see if he was really going to give me the tickets. he said sure, but could i meet him at his hotel before to take some naked pictures of him. he'd been dared (he didn't say by who)(by whom?)(anyway he didn't say) to have someone take naked pictures of him while he was here for his business trip. i said i would have my brother with me, so i didn't think it was a good idea. he was like, "well can you come over now, then?"

i told him i was busy hanging out with my boyfriend. i was actually hanging out with my ex-girlfriend and going to get cheap shoes at the nike employee store (my aunt works there) and then going to my aunt's to watch american idol. which was really fun, by the way. my grandma was there and a bunch of my cousins. the littlest one kept showing off his new moonwalking technique. it was surprisingly good, but he kept adding this little hand flourish that removed any tiny shadow of doubt i had about his being a Tiny Gay. right at the moment i was thinking that, my ex-girlfriend leaned over and whispered "gay." i miss that about dating her--the way we often think the same things at the same time.

anyway i told the guy i was busy, but he was like, "well can u come over later 2night?"

i said no and asked whether i could still count on the tickets.

he was like, "yeah! of course!"

so then this morning he texted me, "what are u doing?"

i was like, "hanging out w/my boyfriend. running tons of errands."

"want 2 have lunch?"

"i can't. sorry."

"so i'm not going to see u at all? i really thought u were gonna take those pics for me."

"hmm. i don't know why u'd think that. i can't. did u leave the tickets 4 me @ will call?"

"i hope it isn't because u don't trust me."

i just felt like, "FUCK YOU, i don't KNOW you, and i don't CARE." but instead i texted, "no. i'm just really busy 2day."

"2 b honest, i'm really disappointed. can't u come over after the game? just drop your brother off n meet me @ my hotel?"

"i can't. if you're not leaving the tickets, just tell me now b4 i go pick up my bro from school."

"i'm gonna hook u up."

"okay great. thanks."

"do i at least get 2 flash you?"

"ok," i texted, "but you'll also be flashing thousands of blazers fans."

"cool. i'm at the radisson. can u come at 3?"

"i thought you meant @ the game. NO i can't meet u. ur not listening! just forget it."

"i called in the tickets."

"cool, thanks."

then i wasn't totally sure whether he had or not but i figured i'd just go and see when the game started. i didn't want to get my brother excited and then probably disappoint him, and also i didn't want to bring a kid to a game where there was some creep on the lookout for me. so i took my ex-girlfriend instead.

we had sushi and then went to the game. the tickets were there and our seats were rad! the guy kept texting me before the game started but i turned my phone off. at halftime he came looking for me, but somehow didn't see me. he looked so vulnerable walking up and down the stairs, scanning the rows with his notebook tucked under his arm and a pen behind his ear, that at one point, when he was about 5 feet from me, i almost called out to him. but instead i just hoped he didn't see me. which he didn't. he looked a little defeated when halftime ended and he had to give up the search. i felt bad, but not THAT bad.

after the game i turned my phone on and there were a few texts from him. i knew he felt like he had been taken for a ride, but really i don't take advantage of people. he had offered me the tickets and only later had asked for something in return. i have to remind myself that it's not my fault or my problem when people are lonely and want attention that i don't want to give.

the game was so fun, by the way! we lost. but only by 11 points (utah 106, blazers 95). it was a bummer that the blazers never lead, though, not even once during the whole game.

then we went to my house, lit a fire and played cards. i had a feeling it would be the last time we'd hang out for a while and that felt sad. but i was just trying to exist in the moment.

goodnight.