boner party.

yesterday i woke up feeling HAGGARD. sky and i were going to thrift shop, we drove all the way out to the suburbs to go to this one particular store we love and they were having a power outage and so were closed. well that was a bummer. now what?

we were driving back to the city and i got a text from a regular of mine who i had been dodging every time i've been in town. he's actually really really sweet but he takes so long to come that he practically gives me carpal tunnel syndrome. plus he just talks and talks and talks about mundane, everyday things. like recent family gatherings and movies he likes. it feels weird and incongruous to be sexually servicing someone while they're telling you how cute their sister's new baby is or what their mom made at the potluck. i try to bait him with sexy stories but he seems uncomfortable engaging in any sort of dirty talk. so i just let him prattle on. i know if he would just do it MY way it would be easier and more fun for us both.

it's good to cultivate and maintain a clientele of regulars, and doing this means sometimes you have to see the ones who aren't your favorites, but who are steady and safe. new clients can be risky, and there are certain times of year when the cops perform sweeps and you get nervous about taking anybody new, and then you're super glad you have your regulars. so. when bert texted yesterday wanting a last-minute appointment i figured i should see him. you can only dodge someone so many times before they stop calling.

sky dropped me off at the studio. rachel was working again and that was nice. i was rushing around, flat-ironing my hair with wet nails, just doing everything in that hung-over ass-backwards way. she goes, "girl. you okay?" i was like, "yeah. i'm a little wrecked, though." she goes, "uh-huh, you're glistening." i did have that dewy sweatiness of the recently intoxicated. i put on extra shiny lipgloss to maybe just create a look of it.

bert showed up and i put him in the shower. got down to business. he talked nonstop about nothing, but since he doesn't ask questions it's easy to just zone out and offer an "mmm," here and a "wow," there. he took ten million years to come. he doesn't like variation, just likes you to jerk in one certain motion over and over. and over. just when i was feeling like my arm was going to fall off, he smiled and said, "you look tired, andi, let me finish this." what a sweet reprieve.

after that i went downstairs and worked out in the little gym, the window of which overlooks the pool and hot tub. there were a bunch of pubescent boys hanging out in the hot tub. when they got out of the tub to eat their king size bag of cheetos, i noticed that several of them had extreme boners making tents of their wet nylon shorts. they seemed oblivious to their obvious boner party and eventually polished off the cheetos, returning to the tub with orange hands and faces. i made a mental note not to sit in that hot tub again: EVER.

then i showered and got ready for my next appointment, an outcall. i've written about this client before, too. len, the contrary one with the chocolates who tried to videotape me once. since i don't have to pay the house, plus he tacks on a tip and outcall charge, i make more than double what i make for an incall. so even though he gets on my nerves, i don't mind seeing him. it's funny how money changes things.

on my way to len's condo, i walked through the tender loins of the city. i saw a pencil-thin 6-foot tall queen who looked familiar scooting by on a child-sized razor scooter, wearing daisy dukes and a tube top and laughing maniacally at the top of her lungs. as i was staring at her trying to remember where i knew her from, a man in an oversized shower cap knocked into me with the giant empty refrigerator box he was hauling. "I'M LOOKING FOR MY WIFE!" he screamed as he pushed past me. he was so earnest, so driven, and so stark raving mad that he reminded me of don quixote searching for aldonza. i was caught off-guard and laughed sadly.

when i arrived at len's, his place was messier than i had ever seen it. i don't know how he can live that way, or why he doesn't just hire a maid, which he could surely afford to do. it's strange--he doesn't even seem to think of his house as disgusting, he's never said, "pardon my mess," or anything of the sort. it's possible that i'm just not the kind of company he spruces up for.

anyway, he had a bottle of wine and fancy french chocolates waiting for me. he let me choose my own chocolate this time, a gesture i appreciated. he wasn't annoying this time at all. what a nice surprise. and he didn't try to keep me there forever, either. i wish he'd exfoliate his back but other than that: totally fine. except that he kept wanting to suck on my tits. when i'm not getting laid or having makeouts with anyone, i don't mind. i kind of feel like, "well, i'm not using these right now, anyway," and i'm oddly able to sort of tune it out. but when i'm holding onto the recent memory of a cute person's mouth on my tits, and replaying it in my mind, i don't want to wreck it. plus, it gets hard to switch my sensations on and off. difficult to describe, but i just feel like, "hey dude, get your mouth off of me, those aren't for YOU."

i left len's feeling a little tipsy off of one glass of wine. "strange," i thought, until i realized it was almost ten pm and i hadn't eaten since brunch. i got back to sky's and made an egg/avocado burrito and it was seriously the best thing i've eaten in a while. eggs and avocados: such a winning combo. when i was getting near the end of it, though, i caught a whiff of cum on my hands and became repulsed. i had washed them thoroughly, but the scent of a particularly pungent cumwad can be a bit cloying. i went and scrubbed my hands with toothpaste. but by then i had lost my taste for food.

sky and i snuggled in bed and watched desperate housewives and then i went to sleep on my little floor pallet. usually it's so comfortable but last night i just tossed and turned and whined aloud. now i'm on the plane writing this and i just caught the woman next to me staring at my computer screen, smiling. i couldn't tell whether she had been zoning off or reading. i don't particularly care, either way.

i'm working tonight and i'm so tired from not having slept. so i'm going to take a nice long nap when i get home. goodnight!