back from vaycay.

hi there. i went away to NYC for a week, and it was so good to remember there's a whole big world out there that has nothing to do with portland or my heartbreak. so good to get some perspective, ya know? i hung out with friends, and with my sister. i went out dancing. i took a lot of super-long late-night walks. one night i walked 3 miles home from a club, in high-heeled doc martens, all the way from the tip-top of chelsea to the bottom of the lower east side, right near the brooklyn bridge. i could've taken a cab, but the night air felt so warm and balmy, so romantic. at first i really wished my ex-sweetheart was with me, but then i had a moment of "well, this is how things are right now: you're alone," and it felt okay and sort of lovely to have a romantic walk with myself.

(i mean, i have had YEARS of being alone, and lots of that time was ecstatic singlehood, but then you meet the person you think you're supposed to be with etc etc blah blah blah, and then you wind up alone again and it feels different and tragic.)

so now i'm back. i worked last night. it was busy-ish. i only got pissed off two times all night, both times it was girls. what is it with girls and their shitty strip club etiquette? anyway, the first girl came up to me with a dollar and said, "i will give you this if you'll play lady gaga." i told her she should be tipping anyway, since she had been there for hours and not yet parted with even one dollar. she goes, "okay, well i'm tipping now but only if you'll dance to lady gaga." i said she should to keep her buck.

another (non-tipping) girl kept telling me to "work that pole," and yelling that she wanted to see me upside down. i told her to shut up. you know i'm drinking tequila when i just yell "SHUT UP" at someone while i'm in the middle of dancing all sexy. ha.

other than that it was a good night until the very end when for whatever dumb reason i entered a heart-wrenching text-off with my ex. i was doing so great not texting or calling him, but being back in town and missing him and then getting a little drunk was just a recipe for a few moments of desperation. never again, it just makes me feel too sad. i hereby proclaim that i'm not texting him ever, ever again. it feels good to decide that. let's hope i can keep feeling this resolved about it.

i'm working again tonight. my hope for tonight: instead of doing a zillion dances for a zillion different people, one or two super great customers come in and keep me busy all night. i'd like to BANK tonight. yep. okay. more later. xo andi