crazy, crazy on you.

last night i got one of those customers who wants to "take you away from all of this." you know, that guy who drunkenly thinks he has found his diamond in the rough, at long last. like you're his miniature julia roberts (a la pretty woman) just waiting for your prince charming-moneybags. his name was tom. he looked like a campbell soup kid with his big saucer eyes, chubby cheeks, and curly blonde hair. he bought ten dances from me, that was nice but it started to feel a bit too intimate after a while. halfway through the fifth or sixth dance, my mind started to wander to my personal life, which is at present rife with bummy times. then all of a sudden i thought, "uh oh i'm about to fart in this guy's face." i took a bathroom break and before i could even dread it, i puked and had explosive diarrhea. it lasted for about two minutes, less than a whole song, and afterwards i was totally fine. a bit shaky, but otherwise not sick at all. so strange! maybe it was the new two-minute stomach flu.

i brushed my teeth and all that and went back up to keep dancing for tom. he kept saying things like, "i've been looking for you, waiting." "you're perfect. your hair and your smile. and your butt: perfect." and then it progressed to the only half-joking "will you marry me? we could have a nice little house." "i want to spoil you rotten." it was kind of condescending. i'm not waiting to be found. but it was easy for me to see how girls date customers, i mean who doesn't want to be spoiled rotten? it's probably really good that i'm a lesbian or i would have a revolving cast of customers performing the role of "temporary boyfriend." i'd probably also have a lot of fancy purses and shoes, which would be nice but likely not worth the hassle.

i had to get back up on stage for my last set of the night. tom sat at the rack with a wild grin on his face. it was kind of odd. he mouthed something to me, and i couldn't tell what he'd said, so i said, "what?"

"i'm CRAZY about you," he said, still grinning maniacally. on the one hand: eeek. on the other hand, will he turn out to be the obsessive regular customer of my dreams? only time will tell.