last night blew. i couldn't stop coughing, i was really tired, and there weren't any good customers. i did have a guy ask me whether my tits were real, though, which was pretty funny. if you've ever seen me without a push-up bra you know that my tits are tiny. as in A cup. i said to him, "who would pay for tits this small?!" he responded that they were just so perfectly shaped, it was hard to believe they were real. well, now, that's true.

i was telling the story to a co-worker in the dressing room. she has really good looking fake tits. she goes, "hahaha! if i woke up with your tits i'd sue my doctor for malpractice!" you know how sometimes someone is *technically* agreeing with/adding to whatever you've just said, and yet at the same time they're taking it to a whole 'nother level? she was dying laughing at the wild hilarity of it all. finally i was like, "ok ok. it wasn't THAT funny."

later on that same customer said, "your body looks very young."

um. you mean in spite of my witchy old face? what a bizarre thing to say. i mean, a compliment about your body isn't really a compliment when it's to the exclusion of your face.

a couple of college girls came in. were shrieking and yelling the way girls will do when they come in and realize they're not the center of attention. one of them tipped a dollar and goes, "show us your boobies!" i just looked at her and walked the other way. then she waved me over and goes, "don't you cater to women? if they're tipping?" i said, "when they're yelling and being obnoxious and tipping ONE DOLLAR? no. i do not cater to them." she went and complained to the bartender, who could not have given a smaller shit, and then left. i was really surprised she didn't scoop her dollar up on her way out.

many weirdos. all night long. i was very happy to rush home to bed.