Tuesday, July 31, 2012

rape vibes

i had a majorly creepy client today. when i checked his references, the girls both said he was fine. one did mention that he was "very...eccentric," but she also said he was safe and polite, so i felt ok seeing him.

he was late. and then he started talking and did not stop for the whole hour. he wanted to know what my fantasies are. i told him mine were a little boring lately, but that i would love to hear about his. he said he has really wild ones, very taboo. "teacher and student stuff," he said (which is hardly taboo. but let's go with it). so we talked about that for a while, what he'd do to me if i were his student, etc. then he said, "are you sure you don't want to share your darkest fantasies with me? i might be able to help you with them."


"another girl i was seeing, for example," he said, "had a very twisted fantasy. a RAPE fantasy." dramatic pause. "she'd been wanting to act it out for years, but really needed to find the right man for the job. she needed someone strong, powerful." another pause. "i was able to help her realize her fantasy. it was quite fulfilling for us both."

i hugely doubted that a massage girl would ASK this dude to rape her. or to faux-rape her. or any of it. i didn't even want to start thinking about whether this rape had happened in any way. the whole "she WANTED me to rape her" thing is never something you want to hear from a strange man with whom you're naked in a small room. and with whom you have no desire to have sex.

i felt creeped out. i knew he was trying to shock me, and maybe even to scare me. but i just acted like everything was fine and finished the massage. he kept asking me to do extra things, like would i blow him for more money, and could he get on top of me, i told him i wasn't into it. i was so glad to see him leave, and i put him in my phone as a "NO/don't see."

Monday, July 30, 2012

hi! i've been working a lot, but i keep forgetting to write. well here's a pic from last year. i had PMS so my tits looked all awesome. xo andi

Sunday, July 22, 2012

bar night

(this entry is from a few weeks ago. i thought i had published it but i guess i accidentally only saved it as a draft.)

on monday i was down south. i got really sick and was looking forward to flying back up to portland at 9:40pm. then i missed my flight. i got to the airport a few minutes too late to check in. such a stupid mistake. after being turned away at check-in, i sat down in a chair and bawled my face off, audibly, and i didn't care who heard. then i got out my computer and booked a new flight for the next morning. i dragged myself out of the chair, away of the airport, back onto the train, and back into the city.

my subletter had returned from her weekend away and was back in my apartment, so i couldn't go home. my best friend was on vacation in new york, and my other good friend just moved to LA. i could've called someone randomly, out of the blue at 10pm, and asked to crash, but i couldn't think of who to call. especially since i sneak in and out of town all the time without calling my friends, and some of them have started to take it personally. so i decided to stay on the couch at the massage parlor. i texted my boss to make sure it was ok, and she said sure.

the thought of spending the night there was kind of a bummer. i wasn't bedtime-sleepy yet, and there really is nothing to do there if you're not working is to read, and the book i'm reading had just taken a depressing plot turn. i wanted to try and salvage my mood at least somewhat, so i thought, "when i get off the train, i'll stop into walgreens and buy a bottle of wine and some snacks. then i'll just drink wine till i pass out, and when i wake up it will be time to go to the airport." sounded like a perfect plan. i do love a good excuse to eat junk food and drink wine to excess.

i got off the train and rushed to walgreens just in time to see them pulling down the metal gate. closed. i looked at my phone. 10:01. FUCK. of course.

so i started walking down the block to the massage studio. i was almost there, but i found myself filled with panic and dread at trying to sleep there stone cold sober. i passed a crappy-looking bar that i'd never noticed before. i didn't actually decide to go there, so much as my feet turned me around and walked me into the bar. my butt was pulled onto a barstool, as if there was a giant magnet in my back pocket. it was a little weird, actually.

i ordered a fernet with a ginger back. i must've looked kinda pathetic with mascara streaked down my face from crying before, because the bartender poured me a double and said, "this one's on me."

i was tempted to knock it back and order another, but decided to take it slow so i wouldn't have to go to bed as soon. i'd just taken one little sip when what do you know, but a friend from the massage place popped in and sat down next to me. we've known each other for years. 12 years, in fact. we used to work together at a peep show. i still remember the first time i saw her. it was on her first day of stripping, ever. she came into the dressing room all tall and hot and shy. she looked super normal with her clothes on, but as soon as she took them off it was like BAM: jessica rabbit. tiny waist, flat tummy, curvy hips and HUGE perky teardrop tits. i liked her (had a crush on her) immediately and invited her out to do things with me so often that eventually she started saying yes. we used to go to the most random parties and people would get excited and want to share their drinks and drugs with us. we had so much fun being reckless and hot together. we hung out a lot for several years, then she ran into some troubles and we lost touch, but eventually we started seeing each other around again. and then we ended up working at the same massage parlor. we don't hang out very much anymore but we still love each other a lot.`

so. it was pretty perfect that she happened to pop in to that weird little crappy bar at exactly the right moment. she sat down and the bartender asked if she'd like her usual. she goes, "yeah." so strange that she goes there often enough to have a usual, and that the usual is a heineken and a hot dog. but i guess we all get into our little routines.

we just sat there drinking and laughing for hours. guys kept coming over, buying us drinks, then realizing that we weren't gonna pay them any attention, and going away. it was really really nice. and then when i was good and drunk, i went down the street to the massage studio, made myself a little bed on the couch, and passed out before i even had a chance to be bothered by the place's persistent underlying cum smell. i woke up and scrambled back to the airport, got on my over-priced full-fare flight, and was back at work at the strip club tonight.

Sunday, July 1, 2012


last night these two hot girls were sitting at my rack with their cute guy friend. they seemed intimate with each other, i thought they were a threesome. they tipped a lot and at the end of my set, one of the girls asked if i'd do a dance for the guy. i said sure, and then she goes, "can i come watch? i'll give you another $20." so nice not to have someone wanting to watch for free. so we went to the lapdance area and i asked the guy, "is this your girlfriend?" and they both laughed and said no. they were just friends and this was the guy's bachelor party.

i danced for the guy and he was freaking out and he got a giant boner. the girl was super into it, too, and was really sexy. a big-chested fancy lady with sort of a butchness to her. i had motorboated her cleavage while she was at my rack, and it was super soft and bouncy feeling. NOM NOM NOM.

anyway when the dance was done, the guy goes, "wow. that was amazing. i'm gay and that was the closest i've ever been to a woman. THANK YOU."