Tuesday, November 30, 2010

sat & sun

hi. i worked on saturday and sunday nights. saturday was fine. it was semi-busy and i made a good amount of money. oddly, i don't remember much of anything about that night. i do know that i was super grouchy when i got off, something extraordinarily annoying happened but i can't remember what it was. i went to my sweetie's house after work and was basically useless. just grouchy and terrible. i was filthy from work, but there was a problem with his shower, where you can't adjust the temperature knobs once you're in the water or you'll get an electric shock. i thought i had the water just right, but once i got in, it ended up being ice-cold. and then i transcended my grouchiness and entered a semi-catatonic state. i felt guilty about my inability to be sweet. we went to sleep.

sunday was super slow but i was in a much better mood. i danced for this gross guy i'll only dance for if it's totally dead and there isn't anyone else. he has halitosis and is extremely grabby, a terrible combo. plus you can't put your tits in his face AT ALL or he'll open-mouth kiss them, and having that foul smelling mouth on my tits makes me feel both sad and murderous. i hadn't danced for this guy in a while, so i had forgotten that he also does this snapping turtle thing with his mouth, kind of an "i'm gonna bit your nipples" threat. it's sick. anyway i decided i'm not going to dance for him ever again, no matter how slow it is. it's just not worth it.

since there weren't any good customers, i mostly hung out in the dressing room reading patti smith's book, "just kids," between stage sets. i ended up making barely more than $100 all night. but at least i didn't have to work too hard for it. and i worked with two girls i like a lot.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


i'm down south for thanksgiving and also to work a bit. yesterday a friend of mine texted me to see if i'd do a double with her. it was an old client of mine that i'd referred to her last year because he wanted a lot of domination and i wasn't feeling it, and she's a dominatrix. anyway, he wanted two girls yesterday and happened to ask if i was still around. funny how that worked out since i'm hardly EVER around. so i went over to her place and did that. my friend is just about the best talker i've ever worked with. i mean, seriously, she's just really smart and quick. she talked a blue streak about him being our little pussy man, i did some cbt (cock n ball torture) with a bit of string, we jerked him off and sent him on his way. i love when an hour flies by and the client leaves happy.

after that i went to the apartment for an appointment with a regular. he arrived early and instead of waiting for me to buzz him in, he slipped in with some random tenant and just showed up at the door. this is ANNOYING. there's a specific way we do things, and everybody knows it, so to take it upon yourself to step outside of that and just show up early, knock on the door, and freak everyone out thinking there's a cop or nosy neighbor is just rude and disrespectful. i couldn't just let my client stand out in the hall, though, and i was tempted to send him away but he's been a good client thus far, and he always tips $50. so i let him in. the candles weren't lit. i was wearing a bra and no panties. there was a naked girl in the hallway, and another client in the shower. i dislike this kind of chaos. i wanted to scold him, but i knew he'd have a hard time getting off if he felt shamed so i said, "i'm really glad to see you, but you know how important it is to come at the specific time we've agreed upon. i like to be ready for you. so just wait till i buzz you next time, okay honey?"

other than that the session went fine. he wanted me to pee on him so i put him in the bathtub and he drank a bunch of my pee. he ended up tipping $100 for this pleasure, which was nice.

after that i sat around in the living room catching up with the girls. i really adore them. they are so fucking sweet and cute and tough and smart. and HOT.

then i had an outcall with the guy i write about sometimes who has the fancy chocolates. last night he had this bottle of wine that was the best wine i've ever tasted. it was a "cotes du rhone." whatever that means. delicious. anyway this guy is usually cool except that he talks about other girls i know, A LOT. and last night he was bragging about having slept with this girl i LOVE, who i used to dance with when i first started 8 years ago. she's one of only 2 girls i've kept up with from those days. a total carebear sweetheart. it grossed me out to hear him brag about banging her, mostly because he kept mentioning that her stomach had gotten fat. "wait till you see it," he said, i just felt like, "WHO CARES. look at YOUR stomach, dude!" i don't remember how i changed the subject, but finally he quit talking about her.

after that i went out with my good friend. we had wine and meatballs. i should've just gone home after that but i had all these friends waiting for me at a club so i went and danced and drank more and late-nite snacked and now i feel TERRIBLE.

Monday, November 22, 2010


i worked saturday evening. it was dead as a doornail. i think everyone was watching football and maybe at the blazers game. i don't know. i made like $125. sorta not worth my time, you know?

a guy came in with two other guys. his friends didn't want to hang out, but he kept trying to get them to stay. he said, "ooh look at this one. she has a nice meaty ass." then he kept saying it different ways but never changing the word meaty. "look at the meaty ass on that one." "this girl's ass is nice and MEATY!" finally i was like, "hey you're being kinda gross. knock it off." he was offended, claimed he had been paying me a compliment. i said, "well how about you pay me some tips instead of compliments." he goes, "you're rude," and then they left. good riddance.

other annoying customers included a husband/wife duo who sat at the rack loudly dirty-talking each other and including me in their wild plans. as in, "yeah and then i'd lick her clit till she was screaming for your cock." NO THANKS.

also a blonde sorority-lookin girl who came in CARRYING HER SHOES a la prom nite 1997 and never tipped even one dollar but screamed "woooooo! i love you!!! you're so cute!!!" what that really means is, "woooo everyone look at me! i have a vagina too!"

i had a stomachache so everybody seemed even more annoying than they probably were. you know how that goes. arrrg.

now i'm down south. just got here this afternoon. i'm hoping to make some $$$ while i'm here. cross your fingers for me!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


work's been super boring lately. so instead, i'm gonna write a movie review.

i watched "the girlfriend experience" tonight, starring smoking hot real life pornstar sasha grey, who plays an upscale hooker named chelsea. her hair was so long and silky in the movie, i was truly inspired to just keep growing mine. and she had tons of super cute lingerie. she has a boyfriend who's a personal trainer. their relationship isn't that exciting to watch.

i remember hearing some girls talking about this movie when it first came out and saying that sasha grey wasn't a very good actress, that she was kind of flat. i can see how you could think that, but i think she was great in the movie. she is pretty subdued and maybe a bit flat, but i think it works for her character. she reminded me SO MUCH of a girl i used to work with, the girl who used to make SO MUCH MONEY. i mean, she was booked with back-to-back appointments and was charging $225/hr, in the worst part of the recession, when all the rest of us girls were running $160 specials. i remember doing the math and realizing that she was making like $900 per day, 4 days a week, so probably around ten grand per month. anyway, it was as if "chelsea" was totally based on this girl. same mannerisms, same style, same charming monotone.

there were a few parts of the movie that I LOVED because they were so relatable and believable. first off, the scenes with her and her clients were totally great. the guys would just talk and talk and she'd agree and be on their side, say whatever they wanted to hear, and then they'd talk some more. appear smart, but not too smart. they'd be talking, and then chelsea would do what my friend morgan calls, "flipping into vamp mode." this is when you start getting sexy, apropos of nothing that's occurring situationally, besides the fact that you are on the job. because sure, he wants to talk, but he also expects to receive the service that he's paying you for and it's your responsibility to move things along in that direction. i've started the sexy times while a guy's talking about the most mundane, LEAST SEXY things you could ever think of, and often they'll just keep talking about whatever random thing until they cum. this incongruity baffled me at first, but i must've gotten used to it because it stopped even striking me as strange for someone to be complaining about their boss while they were shooting into my hand.

another thing was when she has this client who seems to like her a lot and then for whatever reason stops booking appointments with her, and then she sees him out with another girl who she knows to be her competition, and her feelings are hurt. this has happened to every ho, i bet. i used to have this client i liked a lot, and then one day he canceled an appointment with me, only to show up at that same time slot at the apartment where i worked, to see a co-worker of mine. i felt embarassed and kind of tossed aside or something. although when i thought about it, i had to abandon those feelings because i mean, really? do i REALLY care about losing his esteem? no. do i care about losing his money? OF COURSE.

OH! and then she meets up with this guy who runs a message board with reviews and whatnot. and he gets her to let him test the goods for free, saying he'll write her a good review and it'll boost her business. WELL, then he writes her this terrible review. and it bums her out. that scene really hit home. one of the grossest guys i've ever seen, who was such a cheap scumbag, and who actually took the cost of parking OUT OF MY FEE because i'd told him it was easy to park near my incall and then he couldn't find a spot and had to park in a pay-lot. SO TACKY to nickel and dime this person who is servicing you sexually. anyway he smelled terrible and refused a shower, and was entitled and grouchy and hell-bent on complaining. he ended up writing a terrible review about me. and it totally affected my business. i still wish i hadn't read it. someone's dissatisfied play-by-play of their paid session with you is something i'd advise anyone against reading. it feels pretty gross to read disdainful descriptions of your body parts, voice, hair, written by someone who rented them for an hour. not to mention the demoralizing realization that this one unkempt disgruntled fucking loser knows he has the power to write something that will end up costing you thousands of dollars in lost business, and then does it. these guys take the reviews so seriously, it's insane. (OH, and p.s. this guy wrote to me later, offering me a "second chance" with him, saying he'd to write a new review if i wanted to give him a free session and try and do things "his way." i politely declined.)

the movie ended abruptly, kind of a "life goes on" ending. i wasn't super into it, it seemed like they ran out of money in production so just decided that scene would work as the movie's end.

"the girlfriend experience" is probably a totally sub-par movie with a dumb plot and mediocre acting, but i liked it a lot. i wish there were LOTS MORE movies about whores. i want to see movies where they're just regular people doing a job, not totally uncouth and tragically strung out, or a dead body lying anonymously in a ditch ("who's the killer?"), or basically flashy live scenery in an urban street scene.

Friday, November 12, 2010


OMG i'm so tired but it's hard for me to sleep sometimes right when i get home from work. so i will say hello to you, dear blog reader, and write a bit.

tonight was okay. the club was sort of dead but one of my regulars came in (the really short italian guy) and wanted 20 dances, so i ended up doing okay. it's kind of a lot of time to spend with one guy, especially someone with such a short little lap area, but he's really nice and i do like not having to trawl around for dances while he's there. after he already bought 15 dances, i was on stage and i saw him in the corner, eating a burrito. i hoped he would still be eating it when i got off stage so i could just duck in the dressing room and avoid having to dance for him post-burrito. but he polished it off just in time and then wanted a few more dances before calling it a night. i dislike dancing for people who have recently eaten mexican food. his breath was intense, plus he burped twice and i thought i might throw up. somehow i got through it, though, and then i was $100 richer. so.

there's this guy who comes in and asks for me right when he steps in the club. he'll just come in and holler at the bartender, "is andi here?" i'm told if he asks for me and i'm not there, he'll just turn right around and leave. he's never bought a dance from me, but likes to sit at the rack at the very end of the night and throw handfuls of ones onstage while saying, "you're so beautiful andi! i love you andi!" he has a hilarious voice. kind of nasal and comedian-like. and loud. i assumed that he had suffered a head injury, but according to my co-worker, he's just a character. anyway he came in tonight and yelled his adoration. he gets on everybody's nerves but i like him a lot.

a trio of hot butch girls came in. i hadn't ever seen them before. they turned out to be from new york. i always want hot people to be great tippers, but they almost never are. these girls were no exception. they sat at the rack and tipped a dollar each per song, and that's totally fine. just unimpressive. it's the short, the round, the dorky loners who make the best customers. well, and the foxy businessmen. but young dyke hipsters? terrible.

hmm. what else. nothing really. i'm getting drowsy, i might be able to fall asleep! goodnight.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

monday day shift, why you gotta treat me so bad?

today was totally dumb. i got to work and the other girl wasn't there so i was the only girl for a few hours. ideal if there were any customers. but there weren't. i took breaks, but mostly i just sat around on the stage, chatting with the bartender.

finally another girl came in to cover the shift and i went downstairs for a while. there was a terrible smell downstairs. i can't even try to describe it to you because i will gag.

i did some dances with a cute young hipster guy. that was fine.

also i danced for a guy who was having a nervous tic jaw problem. he kept opening his mouth REALLY WIDE like macauley caulkin in "home alone," only WIDER than that, and with a terrible OCD grimace. it stressed me out. he wanted me to keep dancing for him but i simply could not.

another guy wanted a dance, but as soon as we got into the little private dance nook, he started groping at my crotch and tits. i didn't have it in me to deal with him. i gave him his $20 back and told him to fuck off.

when i got off work i had a cocktail across the street with my friend and then we gorged ourselves on discount sushi. just a coupla girls out on the town! after that it was super dark. it felt so late, i was ready for bed. i looked at the clock and it was only 5:55pm. it's gonna be a long-ass winter! thank god i've got me a hot little snuggle bear.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

maybe mondays aren't so bad.

i did NOT want to work last night.i was in the wild throes of PMS. bloated little tummy and grouchy personage. i texted a bunch of girls from the club, but nobody would take the shift. so it was with great reluctance and self pity that i dragged myself downtown to prance around naked for strangers.

the club was pretty quiet when i got there and i thought it would stay that way since it was super rainy and windy outside. but eventually there was a decent crowd.

i felt lazy about hustling, but i worked on friday night and barely made any money so i had to try and get it together.

i sat with a super tall business man for a while. he seemed disinterested at first but then started telling me all about his wife, who hasn't had sex with him in THREE YEARS. he was thinking he'd need to start cheating on her soon, but wanted to give her just a few more chances to put out first. i found his loyal restraint to be charming. not charming, however, was the mouth on this guy once he got drunk. he bought 6 dances and started telling me all about his wild sex fantasies, etc. i could kind of see how his wife didn't wanna open up that can of worms.

i did dances for a few random other guys. and then this kid came in who looked a little disheveled but cute. he didn't look like he was there to spend any money, but i went and sat with him anyway because you never know. he just got back from serving in afghanistan, and he ended up wanting ten dances. he was fun to dance for, mellow and polite.

i liked the girls i worked with and i made a good amount of money. it's funny how that can happen even when you feel extremely uncute. or, as TLC says, "unpretty."

hmm what else. oh, right before closing this homeless woman wandered in, disorientedly. she swayed around to the music for a moment with her eyes shut and then when she opened her eyes it was like she was waking up. she looked around and saw that she was in a strip club, so she hurried into the corner, dug around in her purse a bit, and then threw a wadded up dollar bill onstage. when i went downstairs and unfolded that dollar bill, two little pot nuggets fell out of it. good sized little buds, bra. i don't smoke, so i brought them home for my housemate.

today i still feel grouchy. but i don't have to work. and i'm not so broke.