Wednesday, June 2, 2010

back to work.

i haven't written in quite a while. this is because i was feeling BEYOND BORED at work, and then i went on vacation to the mayan riviera, and now i'm back and working a lot so i shall resume my pen.

my first day back to work was monday, which i had forgotten was memorial day until my mom called me on my way to work to make sure i was going to my family's BBQ. it started at 2pm, but i was working till 4:30 so told her i'd come at the tail-end. i was like, "well, it will either be totally busy, or totally dead." i knew there wasn't going to be an in-between.

it was the very least lucrative shift i've had since moving up here. $52. i didn't care very much, though, i was just thinking of the hamburger and hot dog i was going to wolf down the moment i walked in the door at my aunt's. which is what i did. YUM. i didn't eat the buns, but i DID eat a piece of my grandma's birthday cake and it was amazingly delicious. but since i'm gluten-free it gave me the worst stomach-ache ever and i STILL have that stupid stomach-ache. plus my tummy is sticking out, angrily.

i think i'm going to have to cancel my "birthday cake rule." a very long time ago, i decided that even though i have celiac disease (google it--can't eat gluten), it's just too sad to go to birthday parties and not eat at least a tiny sliver of the cake. it triggers my childhood food scarcity issues. watching other people eat yummy things when i can't have any makes me feel super extremely tragically left-out. it's like i'm instantly transported back to the school cafeteria and i'm watching all the other kids eat lunch while i pretend that i "forgot" mine. it triggers my adulthood "i love cake" issues, too. just looking at a birthday cake will make my stomach start growling. but i'm just going to have to get over it, it's NOT WORTH the shooting pains, bloating, and nausea. not to mention the diminished white blood cell count.

soooooo. anyway. that was fun.

i worked last night, too. i made $400, so much better than monday THANK GOD. it was one of those nights that are fun. i liked the girls i was working with, and almost all the customers were good. this little baby dyke came in to use the bathroom and get out of the rain and she counted out her change for a beer then sat at the rail. i let her sit there for 2 songs without tipping but a big party came in and were obviously going to tip so i asked her to start tipping or sit elsewhere. she didn't have even a dollar so she moved. then i did some dances and whatnot and when i got back up on stage she was sitting at the rack with a fresh beer in her hand, a smile on her face, and an middle aged dude at her side. BABY HUSTLA!!! she got him to give her ones to tip with, and then to buy her a couple of dances! hilarious. she just turned 21 in april, and is clearly wasting no time.

oh, one funny thing about the little dyke was that she tried to get all "pretty woman" on me. she was like, "you know, you don't have to dance for me. you can just sit next to me and talk." i was like, "it's okay, i'll dance. it's more fun." i wasn't interested in having precious moments with her.

there was a group of guys having a work reunion, and they bought each other dances all night long, plus one guy bought the whole bar a shot of patron, so my boss was happy. they were extra rowdy and obnoxious but i liked them. except for one guy who kept saying "show me your pussy!" and i was finally like, "dude. you're in a strip club, OF COURSE i'm going to show you my pussy. now stop saying that, please." he seemed to try to stop, but it slipped out a few more times over the course of the night. i think it may have been some sort of verbal tic.

another guy i liked was a short chubby little businessman. he was nice. he bought 6 or 7 dances from me and kept telling me how "absolutely gorgeous" i am. no complaints here.

a guy i DID NOT like was this sensitive little indie rock boy. i told him i liked his sebadoh t-shirt and then he was obsessed. (for the record: i don't even LIKE sebadoh, i was just making conversation.) he was like, "you know who sebadoh is?" i was like, "no, i totally slept through the 90's. plus i'm a stripper so i only listen to lady gaga and usher." jeeeeez. anyway he wanted to know how much it would be to just sit with me for 20 minutes and talk. i said, "how about you pay for 3 dances and i'll sit with you for 5?" then he kept hemming and hawing and i realized he thought i'd just sit with him for zero dollars because of our indie rock connection. which i probably would if the club was empty. but it wasn't. after that he gave me puppy-dog-eyes all night. it was annoying, but also kind of funny.

well. that's it for now, i suppose. working again this afternoon/evening. i'll let you know if anything interesting happens.

xo andi.

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