a happy valentine.

i've been working a lot. but also there have been developments in my personal life. by which i mean that i had my first makeout since late september. yes, folks, it is true: i went four and a half months without so much as a kiss. ...until valentine's day.

what happened is that i ran into a girl i have had a light crush on for several months. i was looking really cute, as i always do on valentine's day. i never ever have a date on valentine's. my ex was too punk rock or whatever to really get behind it, and other than that i've always been single or had a long-distance lover. i have LITERALLY never ever had a valentine's date ever.  anyway, i ran into this girl and we chatted for a few minutes, and then went on with our lives. i was feeling the need to go out into the world for the night, rather than staying home with myself as per usual. some girls had invited me to a house party, and i decided to go. while i was putting on makeup, the cute girl texted me to see what i was up to. i told her i was heading to a party, and asked if she'd like to come. i was surprised when she said yes. and so i gave her the address and met her there. she arrived before i did and waited in her car, since she didn't know the people whose party it was. when she saw that i was there, she got out of her car and came over to me, and took my arm in a sweet way. 

IT WAS SO CUTE. and also just perfect. i haven't arrived at a party with anyone in ages.

when she took off her coat, i saw that she'd put on a red blazer for the occasion. swoon. we danced and talked, had a cocktail, and then we kissed.  she is an excellent kisser, just truly superb. it was a lovely kiss. and then we made out for a good long time. we went home separately. ok if i'm honest i have to tell you that we went home separately because she wanted us to go to another party together, but i was drunk and didn't want to get in a car. we were only a couple blocks from my house, and i was planning to walk home. so she went to get another drink, and that was the last i saw of her. i texted her a bit later to see where she was at, and she said, "at home boo. got so tired all of a sudden."

i was offended for one second, and i mentioned it to a friend who was like, "yeah, that's kind of lame. but whatever! you ALWAYS pull a shady irish sneakout. what about new years? or how about the party at my house last week?"

"it's true," i said. "i do pretty much always disappear around the witching hour without saying goodbye. but shady irish sneakout is a weird term. i prefer to say i've performed a backdoor shuffle. and i must say that if i've been making out with someone, i will almost always find them and say goodbye." but i am so familiar with the feeling of having to leave RIGHT NOW for any number of reasons, that i wasn't offended anymore. also i was just in such a good mood that i wanted to go with it, and i had a great time dancing with my friends into the wee hours.

well. that had nothing to do with work, but i just thought i'd tell you about that because i've been so depressing lately. "blah blah blah i'm suicially heartbroken, blah blah blah my father died."  i'm happy to be able to report that something good happened to me (besides just making money at work, which of course i always enjoy).

i worked on saturday and the girl texted around 2am to see if i wanted to stop in and say hi while she was closing up the bar where she works. it was just down the street from my club, and i wanted to see her, so even though i was dead tired from the saturday crowd, i said yes. i got there and she was super busy cleaning and counting money, etc. there was an afterparty going but it was mostly dudes and every single one of them came and chatted solicitously with me for a minute. after a long night of work, i really don't feel like talking to dudes, so i was polite but unfriendly and they left me alone. the girl barely said hello to me and i felt dumb for being there, waiting for someone who had peaced out on me and now was barely saying hello. but i didn't want to leave, because that would just seem huffy or dramatic. so i waited 45 minutes or so, caught up on how cute everyone's pets and girlfriends are on instagram, beat a couple people on words w friends, and then finally she was done and everyone was gone and we sat and had a drink and talked and made out till 6am. it was cute. i like her. she's very charming and EXTREMELY hot.

well that was all rad. and then we had a date planned for yesterday but i just psychically knew she was going to flake. i mean, all day i knew for a fact that she was going to text and cancel, but there was the off-chance that i was wrong, so i still cleaned my house and got my nails done. i should mention that the acrylics i already had on were pretty fresh, and still had another good week in them, but they were hellllllla long, definitely too long to be all up in anyone's pussy. except for mine, as i've become an expert at masturbating with super long talons without injuring myself. and they were the very pointy kind, called "stilettos." anyway the prospect of possible sex was enough to make me run not walk to the nail shop and have them cut down to cute but unglamorous shorties.

by 7pm i hadn't heard from her, and one of my co-workers texted to see if i would work. if i wasn't gonna get laid, i would at least like to make money. but i'd rather get laid any day. so i sent the girl a text saying, "we still on for tonight?" and she texted back, "i'm so tired boo. can we hang tomorrow?"

bummed. but unsurprised.

so i worked. i thought it would be mellow because it was a sunday, but since today (monday) is president's day, it was bonkers busy. i made a lot of $$$. i'd say about half of it was from one customer. he was very nice, but after like ten dances i started to *wish* he'd run out of money. strange thing to hope for, i know, but i was just so incredibly bored of dancing for him, and bored of saying "thank you," every time he told me what an incredible body i have, which happened about 5 times during each dance. like, really, after 10 or 15 dances, what do you do without seeming repetitive? plus my quads were KILLING.

eventually he did run out of money. and then i danced for an assortment of other dudes. i was so busy the night flew by very fast and before i knew it, it was closing time. 

there is a cute new dancer who was working. i've worked with her before and she doesn't hustle, and so doesn't make very much money, and so doesn't want to pay for a cab and will WALK home. !!! crazy, right? the last time i worked with her i drove her home, and another time i bullied her into calling a cab. but last night she was super drunk and wouldn't be reasoned with, wouldn't even wait for me to count my money and drive her home, and left the club in a mini-skirt and knee-highs. i was mad at her for making me worry. i wish she'd be smarter. it's LUDICROUS to walk a mile home in a mini-skirt after dancing naked for strangers all night. what a naive cheapskate. i hope nothing happened to her.

so. today i was supposed to have a date with the hot girl since she didn't want to hang out yesterday. i looked forward to seeing her all day, but then she flaked. and you know what? i was bummed for a minute, but i don't actually care. i feel happy to have spent valentine's day with her, and although i'd like to fuck her brains out, i can sense that she must not be that into me. my feelings aren't hurt by this, i'm glad that she's being flaky upfront, before i could really develop a big crush. and i also feel stoked that the SPELL HAS BEEN BROKEN. when i was making out with her, i could literally feel the heavy chains around my heart giving way. for the first time since i got dumped at the end of september, i don't feel like i'm going to die of this broken heart. i still feel a bit bedraggled, but i also feel like it's possible to become attracted to other people. and heart feels lighter in my chest.