Tuesday, February 23, 2010

friday and saturday

back up north in my hometown. i'm just munching on some chocolate flavored cheerios, sounds weird but they're actually quite tasty. like a cross between cocoa puffs and cookie crisp. yummm.

i worked on friday during the day and it was fun to wear the new outfits i brought back with me from my trip south (one of them is pictured, at left). i don't remember a lot about that shift, it was fine. i made a good amount for a day shift, around 275.

i also worked saturday night. when i got there i saw i was working with two blonde girls. one was tall and leggy with big good-looking tits, the other was a contortionist/professional pole dancer. i was like, "oh great," but when i got up close it turned out that the leggy one had a big nose and braces and the other one had the chest of a 12 year-old boy. they were both still super cute, but seeing that they had their individual oddities was comforting.

the night was excessively rowdy from the very start, with hardly any money from all those bigmouths. i thought it was going to be a terrible night, but then a random guy took a shine to me and wanted some dances. he bought me a drink and though i very rarely drink at work i guzzled it down, hoping that maybe it would help me achieve an attitude adjustment. after the cocktail, i felt super relaxed.

i ended up having a really good night. i gave a ton of dances and made a plenty of money onstage too.

some of the guys i gave dances to included:
-a native american kid who just moved to portland last week from north dakota. he was INSANELY shy, said he'd never been to a strip club before. i saw him sitting alone at a table so i called to him from the stage and got him to sit at the tip rack. he ended up buying 3 dances after that, and he wanted more but i felt bad taking too much of his money. i remembered when i was 18 and so broke up in spokane. how i'd have a baked potato for breakfast, lunch, and dinner sometimes while i was waiting for it to be payday at one of my shitty jobs. anyway, he was so young and i told him he should be careful with his money since he just moved to a new city, but that if he kept wanting more dances he should come back and see me next friday.
-a REALLY DRUNK guy who looked exactly like rainn wilson ("dwight") from The Office. he kept trying to smash me between his thighs. after the first time he did it, i said, "honey, please be more gentle with me." and then a minute later he did it again and i yelled "GENTLE!" the longest song in the world was playing. so i just stood in front of him and swayed around a little till it was over. i give a great lapdance, but if you try and thighmaster me, it's all over. at the end of the dance, he said, "would you. you? would YOUUU like to have sex. with. me?"
"i absolutely would NOT like to do that," i said. "but thanks."

i can't remember who else. there was a nondescript businessman in a purple checked shirt. a really really chubby guy. and an east indian guy who became really jerky when he realized he wasn't allowed to pull his dick out.

a comedian came in. attention whore that he was, he kept "making it rain" with such unbridled enthusiasm that people cheered every time. well played, people, give him the reaction he craves and keep those dollars coming for me. the guy kept yelling that i was his favorite. and at one point i put my panties on his head, like a ski-mask, and he went all around the club gyrating like crazy and stopping to let people stuff money into the panties. he brought them back after a while and they were brimming over with dollars. stoked.

later the comedian's girlfriend showed up and they fought loudly and scared away all the customers.

a new crop of customers came in and they were rad. and a super hot girl i know from down south came in. she didn't know i was a stripper. she screamed and picked me up and carried me around like a doll. that was sweet. and then she bought me a cocktail. after that one, my second, i was rightly drunk. it was fun having a friend hanging around. she said i was her new favorite stripper. haha. so cute.

some indie-rock lookin guys were there and they had a girl with them who was clearly enjoying herself immensely. they liked me a lot and told me they were in a well-known band that was in town for a couple of nights. they wanted me to come to their show. i had heard of them, but had never listened to their music, but i felt like, "why not?" and plus, who doesn't appreciate feeling personally invited to something?

i wanted someone to go with me so i put a little thing on facebook seeing who would go. turns out they are the favorite band of many of my friends, so i picked my stripper friend to go with me because she really needed a pick-me-up. she just got over having a weird terrible knee infection that was a result of floorwork on the filthy stage of a dive club. poor thing was in the hospital for 6 days!!! so. we went and it was fine. i got a little bored and fell asleep at one point. but it was fine. after the show i got several texts from one of the guys who invited me, he wanted me to meet up with him at a bar and i didn't really feel like it after the text that said he was a married man with a hall pass from his wife. i wrote back, "i'm a lesbian, so you should save your hall pass. thanks for inviting me to the show, it was great!"

anyway saturday was pretty rad. i made a shit-ton of money and had a really fun time, too. and now i'm off work till friday and i can do whatever i feel like. which seems to be gorging myself on cereal and laying in bed reading. i gotta get cracking on all my projects with all these days off.

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