Sunday, February 28, 2010

douchebag parade.

hello. it's sunday today and i am super extremely oddly grumpy. i'm not even sure why. i just feel like SUCH a grouch. perhaps it's pms. that evil beast. that dark jerk.

i worked on friday. there were an extreme amount of douchebags present. they all came in at once. it was rather intense. ed hardy t-shirts galore. premium faded splotched diesel jeans abounded. loud mouths a-plenty. wasted group mentality gone so dreadfully wrong. i tried to be cool, but ended up losing it with this one guy who kept yelling "show me your pussy! show me your pussy!" on the first song. he hadn't even tipped and he was making demands. ignoring him proved impossible, he was yelling SO LOUDLY. i was like, "how about if you tip first and then i get naked?" he was like, "i wanna see what i'm getting first!" oh no you didn't. i was like, "YOU are not getting ANYTHING. get the fuck out of here." he just looked at me. it was then that i noticed his girlfriend had placed two quarters on the stage. i got right in their faces and growled, "YOU TWO. MOVE IT." they looked startled and did move.

and then: pity tips! haha. random other guys came and sat in the newly vacant spots and threw handfuls of ones on stage. "you're so cute," they said, "we're sorry about those assholes."

i went downstairs after that set, i felt kind of shaken up. i really love dancing and it bums me out when people wreck my day. i sat down for a bit and painted my nails. at one point i heard my co-worker yelling shrilly "GET THE FUCK OUT," and when my break was over and i went back upstairs, the huge crowd of douchebags were gone and a new crowd of people had come in. the evening then felt back on track.

there was a toothless old geezer who had won a bunch of money on one of the video poker machines. bolstered by his newfound wealth, he was sitting at the tip rail and doling out compliments and cash. his compliments were gross, though, "nice pussy!" "i love the way your pussy looks, like a virgin!" "i bet you taste good." "i can smell you from here and girl you smell mighty fine!"

a really hot guy came to sit at the rack. he had the clean cut look and chiseled physique of an abercrombie & fitch model, but a little older than that, maybe 28 or 29, and not at all gay looking. light brown complexion and bright blue eyes. i liked dancing for him. he said, "i want to tip you but i only have big bills." i said, "i love those." he put a $20 on the stage. the geezer, not to be outdone, also placed a $20 on the stage. actually, he set it on the rail. i could see him eyeing it and possibly changing his mind so i brushed it lightly with my shoe so it fell onto the stage. the hot guy found that amusing. he had been watching that drama unfold.

nothing else too interesting happened. gave some dances. drank some diet coke. after work my friend came to meet me and we ate tacos next door. we talked a lot about sex. i'm not sure why, that's just what happened. and then we went to a bar and played cribbage. i love having friends to hang out with.


  1. i like the story of the geezer.

  2. Where do you find a bar where you can play cribbage?