Sunday, March 13, 2011

i hate tyler.

last night sucked! i did a party through this bachelor party company i used to work for down south. they're expanding to portland and seattle. anyway the girl they set me up to work with, niki, was half an hour late but didn't tell me she was running late till she was already late and i was sitting in front of the client's house in my car. so i just waited and waited for her. it was pretty annoying. right before she got there, she texted me, "can you call them and say we're gonna be late?" i texted back, "I'M not late. YOU call them."

she finally arrived and she said sorry for being late, i told her i knew my text was grouchy but i was just cold. so then we were friends and we went into the house. the guy who hired us, tyler, was creepy from the very start. he grabbed my ass as niki and i were going into the bathroom to change. it's hard to explain why this felt gross, but it did. i guess i felt like, "there's going to be a lot of opportunities for you to grab my ass tonight but i'm still in my regular clothes, can you at least wait till i'm in a stripper outfit?" also it was just kind of a weird aggressive thing to do. like, "i bought you for this hour, i'm entitled to have as much access to your body as i want."

so. we changed and went into the main room. they had deep, filthy carpet. i don't like walking around in stilettos on carpet, or rolling around naked on dirty carpet. also they had a pool table, which they'd covered in a grubby tiger blanket, which led me to assume they were expecting a toy show. i had just gotten my period and was 100% not going to do a toy show. plus, i never do them anyway. simulated lesbian sex for a room full of men just doesn't seem worth the extra hundred bucks.

turns out it wasn't a bachelor party. or anyone's birthday. just a party of 21-25 year-old guys who wanted some girls to show up and take off their clothes.

we did the party games we usually do. tried to do everything slowly to fill up the hour. most of the guys were really nice but that fucking asshole tyler just kept on grabbing me. i told him, "do NOT put your hand in my asscrack. if you do it again, we are leaving." he was like, "oh, why you gotta be scared of me? aren't we tipping you well? aren't you getting what you came here for?" i hated him then. i said, "i came here for a party. but the way you keep grabbing me isn't making it very fun," and moved on to dancing for someone else.

finally an hour had gone by and we said we had a good time, we were going to leave now. tyler grabbed my partner's arm and was like, "we have money. we want a toy show. why you gotta rush off?" i told him we had another show to get to and had to leave. he was weird and menacing and we went and locked ourselves in the bathroom to change fast. when we were dressed, we made a bee-line for the door, but of course he blocked the way and went on and on about how much money they had for a show, blah blah blah. at this point, niki, who had seemed impervious to this guy's creep factor, was suddenly freaked out. "please get out of the way," she said. "we need to get to our other gig." he moved.

we left, and on our way out the door he put his hand up my skirt, gave my ass a last super rough squeeze and goes, "well if you're not gonna stay, mind if i grab your ass on your way out?" if i was bigger i would've fucking killed him. instead, i just said, "you're an asshole, which is probably why you couldn't get any girls to come to your party for free. have a fun night with your bros."


  1. Yes. Amazing parting words. <3

  2. What a complete fucking asshole.

    Love your blog.

  3. great parting shot. i will kill him. say go.