Tuesday, January 5, 2010

1. janice talks shit & 2. new job.

1. last week i talked to the lady i was going to work with, the one who looks and talks like tony's sister, janice, on the sopranos. i named her lisbet in this blog but i should've just called her janice. i asked her about coming to work for her and she said it was fine. and then she said, "i'm sorry if i sound funny right now."

funny. funny? "what do you mean?" i asked.

"you know! funny."

"oh. okay," i said. "well, you don't sound funny at all. don't worry about it."

"whew. okay. it's just that i just got back from my first colonic! it was intense!"

"i LOVE colon hydrotherapy," i said.

"what? what's that?"


"oh! haha. you've had a colonic? well tell me this, did your stomach hurt really bad afterward?"

"is it your stomach that hurts, or is it your rectum and your intestines?"

"oh. i guess it's more like my intestines."

i told her she should go get some probiotics because she was probably just too cleaned out. then she went into lengthy descriptions of how everything felt and smelt. "like death!" she said.

"yeah, some of that shit is really putrid because it's been lurking for a loooong time."

after we had been talking about this all for about five minutes, it seemed to dawn on her that she had been talking about SHIT with a practical stranger for far too long. she got off the phone abrubtly. i was glad. i love talking about shit, but i had shit to do.

i keep meaning to go and work at this lady's spot, but something about not being connected to all the other massage girls in this town kind of freaks me out. i like having access to lists of bad guys and being able to ask people about guys who sound potentially weird. and also i've been enjoying not touching penises for a bit. i don't, however, enjoy being broke!

2. in the meantime, i've gotten a job at a strip club called ----'s. it's so cute in there, really tiny. the owner is a lady. she reminds me a little of jennifer cooleridge--you know, elle's hairdresser friend in "legally blonde." she talks really slow like that and seems kind of floaty.

i worked on monday. it was really slow all day but i did end up leaving with $175, which is pretty good for a slow dayshift in a tiny strip club up here. i like dancing in this state because the customers don't touch you. they know they aren't supposed to. and you don't really have to give that many lap dances (called "table dances" here) because people tip you while you're on stage. in fact, some of the clubs don't even offer table dances. i did sell a few dances, though. maybe five or six.

----'s is next door to a mexican restaurant and they share the basement, which means that the "dressing room" is also the restaurant's "stock room." so whenever you're sitting in your g-string putting on makeup there will be cooks and busboys traipsing around. they don't stare very much, though. that's nice.

after work i went out to dinner with my girlfriend who i keep breaking up with. it felt sad. but it always does. it's terrible to be in love with someone who drives me so totally nuts.

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