Wednesday, January 13, 2010


i've been sleeping on the floor at sky's with just the thinnest floor mat, and my back and my whole body feel great when i wake up. i think it's partly because the only comfy position for me on the floor is flat on my back, so it's like i'm spending the whole night in yoga corpse pose.

anyway. hi. you know that client i have who is super tall with borderline-scary tattoos? the one who looks and sounds just like a racially ambiguous version of ray's brother on everybody loves raymond? (this reference is probably lost on you, i think i'm one of the only people on the planet who likes that show). anyway, the brother's name on the show is robbie. so i'm going to call my client robbie here.

robbie called me yesterday and wanted to see me for two hours. i was like, what on earth am i gonna do with him for that long? if it was almost anybody else i would've tried to talk him into a shorter session even though i could totally use the money, but this guy's really nice and easy, so i figured oh alright.

the funny thing about time, is that even when you're thinking it's never gonna go by: it does. while you're busy thinking, "OMG it's NEVER gonna be six o'clock," seconds are ticking right past. robbie brought a nice bottle of pinot noir. he poured us each a glass and sipped some with obvious relish. he has this chilled-out openness about him that seems almost child-like. he told me how he never was a wine drinker, but his little brother made him try pinot last year and now he loves it. he's told me other things before that have made me sense that something happened with him that changed the way he does things. like there was a before, and now it's after.

sometimes when people are mysterious, i can't help but create a backstory for them. i'm sure if anybody ever heard theirs, they'd be shocked at how far off i was, and they'd find me annoying and presumptuous for even beginning to think i had them pegged. that said, robbie's backstory is that he sustained a head injury and got to start his life over. that's the only way i can explain the incongruity between his scary tattoos and the person he seems to be today. and also it would explain his slow, deliberate speech and his happy simple statements ("that was nice," he always says). the head injury was someone else's fault and as a result, he was awarded a large sum of money in damages. that's how come he can present me with crisp hundred-dollar bills like it's nothing, even though he works as a veterinary tech at an animal hospital.

so. the two hours seemed intense at first, but they ticked by slow and steady. when he was leaving, i said, "so what are you going to do tonight?"

he said he was going to drive out to the BevMo in the suburbs to get a case of grape soda. there's this old-timey grape soda that he likes, he bought one one day for no reason and when he drank it, it was exactly like the grape soda of his youth. the corner store by his house has it, but only once in a while, so he looked online and found out where he could stock up on it. then he went into a lengthy description of the soda, how it only has 75% as much carbonation as regular soda, how the recipe hasn't changed in 55 years. i realized it was the most i'd probably ever heard him talk. besides the time when he told me the action-packed tale of rescuing this little tiny dog as it darted in and out of traffic. he kept the dog, and named him "tiny."

after that i went out on an outcall. a girl i know has seen this guy a lot and gave him a decent reference. the one thing she said to watch out for, though, is that he has a camera that he likes to train onto the fold-out couch, which is where the action takes place. when i got there i looked for a hidden camera. there it was, right in between the books on the bookcase! i said, "hey mind if i turn this off?" he looked surprised and crestfallen but agreed, claiming he thought it already WAS off, blah blah blah.

after that i kind of hated him for trying to film me. but i tried to let it go.

this guy was one of those "actually," guys. just really really contrary. like, even when you're trying to AGREE with them, they feel the need to correct you.

he had some fancy chocolates, having just returned from a "pleasure trip" to france. he let me choose one from the box. i picked out one that looked like a mini ferrero rocher. he said that wasn't very adventurous and gave me a different one to try instead. it was a letter "B" shaped dark chocolate with a ganache filling. i tasted it: amazing on the outside but the ganache was very lemony. "how is it?" he asked.

"it's good. i'm not a huge fan of citrus and chocolate together, though," i said.

"there's no citrus. you're just tasting the overtones of the dark chocolate."

"no. this is really very lemony," i said.

he insisted it wasn't. i rolled off the couch/bed and went to retrieve the chocolate-map that says what each chocolate is in the box. i brought it back and pointed to the "B." "see, it says au citron," i said. it had already been established that i don't speak french. but even i can see that au citron means there's fucking citrus in the chocolate.

he was annoyed to have been mistaken, and i will admit that i felt a little smug, but we pushed those feelings aside and got on with it. he took a loooooong time to come and my arm is still kind of tired, but other than that it was fine. no chemistry, but fine.

after i put my clothes back on i asked if i could have another chocolate of my own choosing. he said sure so i picked out the "sphinx noir." it was a sphinx head, and it was sooo pretty i almost didn't want to bite into it. but when i did, it was THE MOST DELICIOUS CHOCOLATE I HAVE EVER EATEN. EVER. it had a marzipan filling, but instead of being made of almonds, it was HAZELNUTS! sounds almost ordinary, the way i'm describing it now. but i'm telling you: i have never had chocolate that good in my whole life. whoa. amazing.

then i got lost trying to get out of his building, tried unsuccessfully to escape from the parking garage, rode three different elevators, and finally just found his apartment again and retraced my original steps. i walked a million miles in the rain in heels trying to find the train station. i know this city like the back of my hand, but this was a neighborhood that didn't even used to BE a neighborhood.

i finally made it back to sky's and when he opened the door his face broke my heart a little. i wasn't sure why, so i sat on the bed and had a brief moment of confused tears, and when that was done things felt nice.

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