Tuesday, August 11, 2009

lost blog entries #3

7. TUESDAY, JULY 7, 2009 "my first tuesday shift."

today was a good day at work. the crazy pimps weren't there, which was a really good thing because we watched the michael jackson memorial on tv and all three of us girls who were working were touched. we all cried when paris cried and said what a good daddy MJ was and how sad she was that he had died. 

i would've hated to have to listen to gigi repeat any of the shit she was saying the day we all found out about MJ's death. how he was a waste of a human life and all that. how he deserved anything bad that he got. when she was talking like that i just had to take a breath and leave the room. it was too much for me. i thought back to hours earlier, when i had been at the gym with sky. she was watching the news on the gym tv and when she found out that michael had died, she fell off the treadmill in shock and came directly over to me with the news. "michael jackson died," she said, her eyes wide and a-twinkle with the sad non-comprehension particular to such tragedies as this one. "what?!" i said. "michael jackson died," she repeated. i was in shock, too, and i was uncouth: "was it a heart attack," i wondered, "or was he shot by one of the dads of the kids who used to sleep over at neverland?" sky looked at me in disgusted disbelief. "it was a heart
attack," he said, and went back to his treadmill.

anyway, i was glad not to have to deal with gigi today when we were all feeling mournful. i mean, i NEVER really like having to deal with her. but today would've been Too Much.

it was a pretty good day today. my first appointment showed up and when i asked that we take care of the business before the pleasure (i.e. fork over the cash, please), he got this panicked look on his face and began patting his body all over, as people do sometimes when they realize they've lost their wallets. he turned his pockets inside out very cartoonishly, and then tore through his bag. "i've lost it!" he proclaimed. "i've lost my wallet!" and then he gave me a hopeful little look, like maybe i was gonna say, "oh, well--you're already here, you may as well stay." instead, i held the door for him, "perhaps another time, " i said.

i was polite, but super annoyed because another guy had called wanting that particular time, but i was already booked. so. annoying.

so then i sat around a bit. read one page of my book. drank my diet coke (it's poison, i know--but also stripper nectar--refreshing, caffeine, no calories). and then a guy called who i'd seen before, john.  he's a really good looking guy, tall and dark with a lean, muscly physique and good skin. he's a surfer. he tells me i have great energy. today i gave him a good massage but he couldn't come. it was so strange. toward the end, he said, "i'm not going to be able to come. i think i came a little bit before and have been riding a long plateau that's not ever gonna be a volcano." what a poet. "are you bummed?" i asked.  he said, "no. it was great."

next was a super nerdy guy named simon. kinda bossy and particular, but nice. and entertaining in his geekery. he had a lot of blackheads on his back, not my favorite. but other than that he wasn't gross at all. he wanted to squeeze my ass a lot, not unpleasant as my ass has been a bit tight and could use a massage. i had to remind him a few times to be gentle. he was sort of an excited puppy. he really talked a lot, too, but i liked him. he reminded me of a super nerdy girl i once dated who was similarly bossy and particular. simon preferred to come whilst standing. shot all over the carpet. i cleaned it up, don't worry.

next was a teeny tiny guy who seemed HELLLLLLA gay. he was late because he stopped to buy me a starbucks gift card. what a sweet thing to do, i wonder how much is on it. i wish all clients knew that it's little things like that that endear us girls to them, that make us want to give them that little something extra. that bit of extra time or attention, that tiny bit more leniency with their straying hands.

anyway, like i said: HELLLLLLLA gay. or at least: HELLLLLA bi-sexual. he was so tiny and so shy, but managed to work up the nerve to tell me that he was feeling a strong connection with me and that he'd like me to maybe fuck him in the ass with a strap-on next time. i made him think it was a definite maybe, but i'm not sure whether i'd really be too into it. i don't like to do things with clients that i actually enjoy in my real life. when i used to jerk off all day for guys in a fantasy booth, it ruined my masturbation life for a long time. and i faked so many, many, hundreds of orgasms that i became self-conscious about expressing myself during REAL ones with my lovers. i would hear myself actually coming and wonder if that was what i really sounded like, or whether i was still sort of performing. it was weird. i had to get over it, and for the record, now when i really do have an orgasm, i don't let myself think about sounding real or pretty or wild
or hot. i just enjoy it and trust myself to sound however i'm gonna sound. the organic orgasm. haha.

anyway. after the tiny guy i was done. and my co-worker crammed my bike into her SUV and gave me a ride home: a rare treat.

i'm working again tomorrow. with my co-worker lily. last week when i worked with her, she got so drunk that she passed out naked on the lumpy couch and would not be awakened or moved. i worried that she'd get a crink in her neck, or wake up in the middle of the night, panicked and alone. i tried and tried to wake her, but she wasn't having it. i hated to do it, but after trying to rouse her for twenty minutes and her saying "leeeeave me aloooooone" over and over, i finally did end up leaving her that way. i covered her up and put a giant glass of water on the coffee table next to her. i called the house a few times when i got home, but she didn't pick up. i hope she's not pissed or embarassed when i see her tomorrow, but i'm not too worried about it.

gonna snuggle up in my bed and watch true blood now.

8. WEDNESDAY, JULY 8, 2009 "stinky guys, wino cuties, and pee play."

so. lily isn't mad and the gift card was for $20. just to keep you up to date on the wild and fascinating details of my workday.

oh, wednesday. it's been SLOOOOOOW today. i didn't even have one appointment till 5:30 and then i saw a regular, a super nice man we'll call bill. he's very very tall--6'5''--and like many extraordinarily tall men he has a penchant for tiny ladies such as myself. when i sit on his back and rub his shoulders i have the feeling of being his little cell phone charm or something.

today bill had B.O. which wasn't great, but was bearable. not like this other guy, micky, who i have saved in my phone as "NO.Micky.NO!" he smelled SO BAD, i mean TERRIBLE, and was covered in a thick coat of curly fur that got all up under my fingernails. plus, he had very pimply skin. in short: the whole experience was horrifying and it's one i don't ever want to repeat, ever. i won't take a call from him no matter how slow it is, no matter how broke i am. even if my cell phone bill was due and i didn't have the money and they were going to fucking shut it off tomorrow, i wouldn't take his call. likewise this other guy who's in my phone under "ben--NO!!!" ben was a nice looking guy, super polite, but uncircumsized and once i pulled back that foreskin it was ALL HELL BREAKIN LOOSE. i had to suppress a gag the whole time. just when i was considering giving him his money back and sending him on his way, he came all quick and gushy and hopped in the shower.

lily has been cracking me up all day. she's 3/4 through her second bottle of wine. a bit of an alcoholic, but i don't feel sad for her because she seems pretty happy and anyway, we all make choices in this life. well, i guess i do feel a little sad sometimes when she's at the end of a bottle and is tipping it over and waiting patiently for the last two drops to roll into her mouth. something about the look in her face right then breaks my heart a little bit, although i kind of couldn't tell you why. but mostly she's just a happy go lucky functional alcoholic and i really like working with her. she says funny things a lot, like today she went out to buy some wine and when she came back, she flipped on the tv and sighed in a breathy bedroom voice, "oh tv, i can't stay mad at you."

i think she likes me too, which is a good thing. i like having co-workers who like me. i mean, if you have to go somewhere to make your money, there should at least be people there who are happy to see you. she was a little cold to me for a while after she thought she might have bedbugs and i refused her a hug goodbye last month, but we got past it.

oh. i gotta go drink a giant glass of water. i have a guy coming in for golden showers. he wants to be my toilet slave. not my favorite, but it's pretty slow today.

9. SATURDAY, JULY 11, 2009 "goths gone wild."

so. that pee guy came in and he was really strange looking. sort of corpsey. extremely pale with dark circles under his eyes, and hair that looked like a wig but wasn't. maybe i've been watching too much vampire stuff. but i was hella nervous. i put him in the shower and went out and told my co-worker to make sure and leave the tv on really loud when she left so my guy would think there were other people in the house. 

he turned out to be totally fine, just pallid with badly bleached hair and maybe an iron deficiency. he talked a lot. it was kinda creepy when he started talking about his business trips to china, how the girls are all over him there. when he said he had to beat them off with a stick, it was hard not to picture it literally. with absolutely no conjuring, this picture popped up in my mind of him walking all zombie-like, wielding a cave-man club against adorable chinese schoolgirl pornstars. 

other than that, though, he was okay. after his massage i put him in the tub and he drank an EXTRAORDINARY amount of my pee. it was running out of the corners of his mouth, and he was gurgling a bit here and there as he tried to keep up with my stream. it was gagging me a bit to watch, but everyone has their weird thing they like i guess. or, well, at least some people do. i was happy to make someone so happy just by peeing.

when i came into the living room after putting the guy back in the shower, my co-worker was still there. waiting for me. all her appointments were done but she didn't want to leave me alone in the house with a potential creep so she waited! i thought that was just SO extraordinarily sweet. and then she insisted on giving me a ride home again. i suspect that she might be a bit lonesome, the way she's never in any big rush to get home.

yesterday was gonna be my day off. i was planning to sew all day and pack and do all kinds of things, but jane called and wanted to know if i could work because both girls called in sick. i'm feeling a little overworked and tired, but since i'm leaving tonight for a week-long trip to new york, i figured i'd at least post my ad and see if anyone called.

i got three calls all at once, and was able to book all three in a tidy little row. that's the best way to do it, obviously, because then you can just show up, work a bunch all at once and then leave. no sitting around on the lumpy couches.

nobody that super interesting came in.

the first one was a very fit chinese man with a giant tattoo on his back. i liked looking at it while i massaged him. and he gave me a tip. 

the next guy was pretty old. i get nervous sometimes with old guys, i want to give them as good a massage as i'd give anyone, but on the other hand i don't want them getting TOO excited, if you know what i mean. i don't do any tease/reward stuff with them, i don't want their hearts to do a lot of speeding up and slowing down. so i just get 'em up and get 'em off. this old guy was nice. also a tipper! 

the last guy was one i've seen before. a GIANT man with a lot of freckles. he's nice. he talks A LOT about very non-sexual matters and yet still gets it up. it's so strange to me--i can't imagine having an orgasm while talking about my favorite buffet in vegas.

after that, i rode home and while i was passing city hall there were all these people dressed as zombies with signs that said things like, "i want to eat your brain." i didn't know what their point could possibly have been for picketing outside city hall. they were screaming at everyone who walked/rode/drove by, but it was hard to understand what they were saying. i thought, "goths gone wild," and that made me laugh a lot. then i turned onto market street and found myself in a big pack of 12 bikes, and nobody was with each other--it seemed to be 12 strangers riding together. i pretended for a moment that i lived in one of those countries where everyone bikes, where there are more bikes than cars. i've never been anywhere like that, but i did like biking in key west where there are tons and tons of bikes on the road.

last night i went to my friend's house and made dinner. i brought a movie, "the reader." i thought it was going to be an idyllic love story and it was, but then the plot turns and it's sad and kind of stressful. good, though. a great movie.

and now, off to the gym and then to pack and then to the big apple. yay!

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