Sunday, August 30, 2009


first the good news:

i got to work with katerina yesterday. i don't think i've written about her before. she's this super adorable polish girl, all curvy and foxy with long naturally blonde hair. like: really LIGHT blonde. naturally. she's really funny and sweet. she smokes a lot of pot and is super mellow. whenever gigi or jane say anything to her, she's pleasant to them and i used to think it was an act, but lately i've thought it's real: she just doesn't care enough to be offended or annoyed. she's in her happy (or at least neutral) place and won't be moved.

like once katerina was just sitting on the lumpy couch minding her own business, drinking a coca-cola and thumbing through an old playboy and gigi said to her, "KAT. you've REALLY put on weight. you weren't nearly this fat when i hired you." 

kat took another sip of her coke which was not diet and said, "yes. i've gotten chubby. it's that depo vera shot."

gigi glared at kat's coke can, personally insulted in its regular-not-diet status, and said, "well. i'm gonna need you to DO something about that. or at least get new pictures that show what you really look like because i can't have guys seeing pictures of a skinny blonde and then showing up and getting YOU."

"yeah totally," kat said, laughing good-naturedly. "i know. i do need to get new pictures. i'll do it next week."

i hated watching gigi insult kat, but it was AMAZING to watch kat refuse to be insulted.

another day kat put the kettle on for a cup of tea. she stood in the kitchen reading a vogue and waiting for the water to boil. the kettle started making a rumbling sound, not a BOILING sound, just that rumble that kettles make as they start to warm up. gigi said, "KAT. YOUR WATER." 

kat said, "it's not boiling yet." 

a minute later, "KAT! why are you wasting electricity. your water's done!" gigi's serious as a heart attack when it comes to wasting electricity. (in fact, that's what she said when she was training me. she found that someone had left their cell phone charger plugged into a wall, flew into a rage over it, and then when she composed herself she said, "we cannot waste electricity around here. i'm serious as a heart attack about this. i really mean it.")

"i'm just waiting for it to boil," kat said, not turning off the stove.

20 seconds later, gigi, clearly hugely distressed: "KAT! it's done! i can hear it!"

"kettles make a bit of noise, then when the water's done they whistle," kat said in an impressively non-defensive, neutral voice.

the kettle whistled right on cue. kat poured the water and blew on her tea. end scene.

anyway. when i found out i was working with kat yesterday, i was happy. i have a bit of a crush on her. not like i want to have sex with her, but just that she's really pretty to look at and sweet to be around. i like her voice, it's soft and breathy.

(okay maybe i would like to have sex with her. i just realized that. in fact, maybe i would very much like to.)

kat has a boyfriend of six years and he doesn't know she works at the whack shack, he thinks she works at a day spa. i think i mentioned that in an earlier entry. anyway: mind blowing. so whenever he calls she says, "no sex anybody," and everyone needs to be quiet for a minute.

i love listening to her on the phone with her boyfriend. she's so funny and patient with him, but also sometimes slightly bitchy. like yesterday he called and she said, "i can't talk right now baby, i'm at work.......of all the things you could tell me, that's what you have to say to me......i don't have time for this baby, i'm at work.......bye baby." but all this in the sweetest, breathiest voice so it sounded like, "i love you. i love you," and not "shut up and quit bothering me at work." she got off the phone and goes, "he wanted to know why i never bring home peroshkis anymore." and then made a gesture that seemed to mean, "what a sillyhead."

so. the good news was kat. and now the bad news:

jane was there again. ALL DAY "training" the new girl, milly.

[sidenote: milly and i are friends from a long time ago. she moved to my city (not MY CITY, but the city where i live) a few months ago and we keep trying to hang out but it keeps not happening. the day before yesterday i was texting her to see when she'd be free and she texted back that she was starting a new job and needed to see what her schedule would be. i had this thought like, "good for her, that sounds exciting. maybe i should get my shit together and look for an exciting new job." and then i got off the bus and went to the house, and who should walk in five minutes later with jane? milly! this was the exciting new job. haha.]

[p.s. my shit is together and i don't want to have some exciting new full time job that i have to go to every day, particularly not any of the ones that i could get, which are hardly any. i'm working on structuring my time better and getting my other business off the ground. the details of which i'm not gonna mention here, but let me tell you that it's all pretty fantastic and that it's going swimmingly considering that i've not been putting much energy into it until only very recently.]

so anyway yesterday jane was there all day again. she's such a nightmare. she just never ever stops talking and micro-managing everyone.  it's super exhausting to pretend not to intensely dislike her. it takes a lot of work to have someone talk at you all day long and to have to keep a neutral face on. between clients, i don't WANT to talk to her. at all. but she does not care. she just talks and talks and talks. she's so lonely and needy and i feel resentful that she's squeezing attention out of me when i'd just prefer to ignore her. go make some fucking friends! i'm not your friend!  

whenever we girls are talking she hijacks the conversation and makes it all about her and her tantric/fetish friends and she talks about them slowly, in detail. or if she's not interested in the way the conversation is going, she'll just take over with some random question. like yesterday kat and i were talking about how our moms are super young. hers had her when she was 19, mine was 18. kat was like, "isn't it nice to have such a young mom?"

i said, "well, mine isn't really that young because she has a lot of health problems."

then jane, apropros of nothing, says, "oh yeah? what did she say to you when you came out to her?"

her phone rang right then so i didn't have to decide whether to answer or ignore her.  

kat and i just looked at each other. i made a stabbing motion like norman bates in psycho, knife in hand, arm back and forth from the elbow hinge. "eee eee eee."

kat laughed. a moment passed and then she said, "so what did she say?" i told her how i got all set to tell my mom i was a lesbian, it was national coming out day--october 11-- and when i told her she said she'd known since i was two. to work up the nerve to tell someone something important only to have them say they already knew kinda takes all the drama and excitement out of it. but whatevs.

then i had two clients back to back. the first one was a cute young asian guy with glasses and good fashion who was small and muscly. he was a soccer player. he was super nice and easy to get off. the next guy looked a lot like the first one. small and asian, super muscly. this one was a yoga enthusiast. unlike the first guy, however, getting this one off was very labor intensive. my arm started hurting and i thought, "get me out of here!" but then he finally got off. sheesh.

usually i'd like to stay late and try to have more than two appointments, but with jane there it just wasn't worth it so i did all my cleaning and was dressed and ready to leave at the stroke of 6:30 (that's the earliest you're technically allowed to leave).

crossing my fingers that next time i work it's just girls.

No comments:

Post a Comment