Tuesday, September 15, 2009


welp, i got fired today. and you know what, the funny thing is that even though i am totally broke, i am also experiencing a sense of relief. i hated that dump. and i hated those lumpy couches. moreover, i hated my crazy pimp bosses.

here's what happened. today was my day off. i slept in till 9:30 and it felt amazing. i love a day where i'm on my own schedule. i putzed around my house till noon, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of absolute leisure. i drank a lot of coffee, ate some almond butter and jelly waffles, and rode my bike to the gym. i was feeling happy and relaxed. and then when i was locking up my bike i got a call from gigi.

first, she warned me that this was going to be an uncomfortable conversation. and then she said, "do you know what a nanny cam is?"

fuck. fuuuuuuuuck.

"yes," i said. "i know what a nanny cam is."

she launched into the meat of it. she claimed to have installed a nanny cam several months back, but it didn't record visual, only audio. she had months and months of tape and recently has been feeling like "something was rotten in denmark," in regards to the envelopes (that we put in the freezer at the end of our shift with the house cut in them). so she listened to the tapes, seven hours of them all in one day (yesterday), and she realized that everyone was stealing from her. she went on and on about how she had to loan jane $12k so she wouldn't lose her house (which explains a lot about their dynamic, btw, wherein jane is totally gigi's bitch). and how they've been losing so much money on this business venture and have grown suspicious. etc. and it's like: hello we're in a recession, of course it's slow. but anyway on and on and on.

i knew it was over for me, then. i didn't feel like there was any point in even denying it, but i also didn't want to super fess up. a vague blanket statement was in order so i was like, "yeah. it's terrible."

quiet again for a long time. she said, "yeah. there's not a lot to say is there?"

i felt like: fire me. just say the words and get it over with. but she was quiet. so i said, "okay. well. i'm sorry. i guess i should make arrangements to come and collect my things?"

she seemed surprised. she said, "oh. well do you think this relationship is salvageable? do you think you're worth taking a second chance on?"

i'm really in a bad way right now in terms of money, it's been so slow the last couple of weeks. and i knew i should make a case to try and keep my job. but i've really been unhappy the last month or so and i feel like it can be directly attributed to working for crazy people who harass me all day long. and i've not been making money lately anyway. so it just seemed pointless. i said, "what do you mean?"

she said, "well do you think if i were to keep you on you could play by the rules?"

i said, "um. well yes."

and then she wanted to know who else would be worth not firing. i said, "i don't know. i kind of like everyone who works there. i don't think anyone's been under-reporting a lot more than anyone else." (which isn't true. some people never write ANYTHING down.)

she started pumping me for details, then, wanting to tell me who were the worst offenders and who did it hardly ever. i told her i didn't want to discuss anyone but me. and i was so stressed out i can't really remember how we got off the phone. but my feeling was that i didn't give her the information she wanted, so i was still fired and i felt kind of relieved.

i went into the gym and worked out. then went to whole foods. and when i was eating, jane called and un-fired me. at first she only wanted to un-fire me if i would agree to be her "eyes and ears," around the house--i.e. her snitch. no way, i said, not my style and totally not worth it. but then she un-fired me anyway as long as i would agree not to steal ever again.

so then i went home and was filled with dread about having to go back there in the morning, and not wanting to, but knowing that i HAD TO since i'm so broke.

an hour later, though, i was at the laundromat and gigi called and re-fired me. she said, "i just don't think i can work with you any longer." i breathed a sigh of relief and said, "i feel the exact same way about you."

i tried to work out a time with her to get my bag and then she randomly put kat on the phone, who agreed to bring it over to my house if i gave her some gas money.

somehow kat managed to evade being fired. even though she's one of the worst offenders. but i don't care, i wouldn't want her to not have money. when she came over she looked so cute. she had on a white top and tight chubby girl jeans. she's really just such a pretty girl. a total fox. she brought my big bag and had also gone to the weird trouble to grab my diet cokes out of the fridge. i thought that was really sweet.

i felt sad giving her a hug goodbye. i will miss seeing her. ...naked. haha just kidding. i will just miss seeing her. i really really like her. she was telling me the other day how her boyfriend of 7 years had stopped kissing her, that it started when she had a cold once and then just never started back up again. it really bothers her, she says, so she's been trying to get him to make out with her again. and for the last week or so, he's been giving her kisses. i couldn't imagine. i felt so sad when she told me that. i would make out with her all day every day if she was my girlfriend. DUH.

so. she drove away and i came upstairs and promptly mixed one of the diet cokes with jack daniels. i never have whiskey in the house but my throat was feeling sore last night so i bought some to make a hot toddy with. i didn't have a cinnamon stick so the hot toddy wasn't that good. but this whiskey and diet coke i'm sipping on is treating me real nice.

oh man! what am i gonna do now? i hate looking for a job. and i don't have any money! ARG.

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